CANBERRA, ACT - The Rudd Government is considering sweeping legislation which will provide new benefits for many Australians. The Australians With No Abilities Bill (AWNA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the thousands of Australians who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Australians do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Deputy Prime Minister, Julia Gillard. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."
In a Parliament House press conference, Government Leader in the Senate, Senator Chris Evans and Leader of the House, Anthony Albanese pointed to the success of the Australian Public Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of Australian Government employees lack any job skills, making the government sector the single largest Australian employer of Persons of Inability.
Private sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "hardware" stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Transport also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).
The Australians With No Abilities Bill, proposes that more than 2.5 million "middle management" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance. Mandatory non-performance based raises and promotions will be given in order to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees.
If passed, the Bill would provide substantial tax breaks to companies that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented employees.
Ms Gillard, who is also Workplace Relations Minister, added: "This is a wonderful incentive that will roll back the damage caused by Work Choices. The majority of working Australians will rest easy in the knowledge that their jobs are safe. They will be better placed to withstand the high inflationary pressures, which are a legacy of the Coalition Government. Kevin is an enthusiastic supporter of this proposal."
Finally, the AWNA Bill contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning for example, discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?". Charlene McManus, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at a factory in South Australia, due to her lack of any discernible job skills, said:
“This new law should really help people like me. As a non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them." With the passage of this bill, Charlene and thousands of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
When asked for comments, many Senators responded that as Senators With No Abilities, they believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every Australian with no abilities. “It is our duty as legislators to provide each and every Australian, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of great career to take up in this great nation."
Is this a great country or what??? |